Second Post Funky Mortem

What I remember from the end of last night is walking home with Will and Jaxi, racing Will down the street, somewhat amazingly keeping up despite being doce lokoed and carrying a computer, and then absolutely wiping out on the ground. This is why I have cuts and bruises on my arm, hand, and knee. Ok!

Fun night doggs. Fun. night. doggs. Thank god i randomly jerked awake at 8:15 because I forgot to set an alarm for class.

blog back into retirement until next time.

Drank Status: hungover like a man who needs to go to class today.
Bod Status: I was bruised and battered, I couldn't tell what I felt, at least I wasn't unrecognizable to myself
Mood: Glad everything went well. Phew.

mike wallafe what about i

i like faytlor talyeor.
my tream fis full full full full full full ful

I have a new poinst

n new poinst about clinton porist he is old he is a man ieh iis ol d miheer thin khe oldh e is asold to a main tmaedv arist.

everyon e noomiated. uup dpgg o a, s;omg a a dpg. o a, simling. i am smling, llkat it,

ioat oat oatoatoat
,,

i am dmiling, i am smiling, oh. happy! ryqn trnt iw on i5 ffor the esawon wht trudey boy, hurg roudeboy

i ron6 3wn6 mw66 fw6e44l

i ron6 3wn fssdrl

doggs getting rude

it is twelve rude what the fuck

doce loko

i did the doco leoko

neil raxkers fck

i am nearing doce loko feratty

catl is doin the oyng

i wil take vinece young i will take him for 3 i will taske him for 3 i will taoke him fofr 3 i will taike hilm for 3 i will take himf for 3 i will take him 3

almost twelve i will pay. done

knowshon moreno we nkow him

everoione is talkng
fratty

brent celeker is a biddie

breant cdelek is a biddie, a biddie.

mike is bidding biddin b idding bidddgdgidngdingidgnidngidngidng

told3n e3agle he do his nominate he do his noatietne he do; he do his nominatred.

i want jerome harrison you bidd\8es,l

i want him i want him i want him i got him hahahahahahahhahahaahhaah

gettin lat

steve is a boiddie what a bidie what a biddie. who wants mcnabb it is time it is time it ist iem fuck the agels tuck gthe eaglse fuck the eagels tuck the eagles rck the eagles fuck the eagles ruck th eatel rcuk the eaglse rufck the eagles fuck the eagles fuck the agle fuck the eale sufck the agesl

ryan bought wes welker for the boney

now the faust is nominatig fucking broncos kicker fuck you fkck you fkcyou until btichds balls. i love them. i loe the man. i love mangewll. prater.

you are a biddie bergman

biddie, someone hasa team some one has it. he ws taken it. i have percy percy man percy amn, percy man,
i coudln't even xclick

More loko tothan a man!!!

I have had dies loko ten loko two and ahalf cans. I want t draft more playres,

It's my draft, I will suggest phiip rivers he is good. carl bought him for 21 what a uge bistdad known joke in the lane!!!!!!!!!!!!

what up i am the man man mn ma man anasdogisdaoghsdaigh miggity, steve ook him for 1`3.



dan may nominated schaub for 13. i like him a lot hje will be good for 18? i drove the price on his funky ass. miher for 25.

lawnrece funky tynes i will bid two. dan may took vernon davis fr 16 it is boliding for steve new buys

Tking Jermichael

I took ithat man. I took him. I took that man. All day. "Will Kain thinks the eagles are so much better than the giants and the cowboys but the cowboys can go suck a huge cock." but you know what? will kain is so hot that he doesn't need to be smart therefiire he isn't right about the eagles they sucik giants win ahhahahaha

radical. wait shit i have matt forte you mother fuckers

Fifth round ryan is oinatemt

I like Jennings I like him. Fine he is expenive you can have him.

Double loko hoy fuck. Tom Brady. ryan is a huge mcgude fo4 33...

arian foster having all the yards what will happen i nwat it ih bioyd aoioasdhgsaodgi how about it. howab otuwbatabout it. who knows who knows! miher for money what a rudeboy now golden agele thaking that men what a booggigige. boddie. biddie biddie.

josheph addiai, huge biddie,

dramk status: alost ies loko. i want jermichael finley,
bod status: smiling again
mood: what a little man.

Time For Fourth Round I am Sighing

I am sighing happily you konw why Faust he nominate Jamaal Chiggity Charles. he is such a high price 45 man. high up to 47. sheetitt. mike for 47.

ryan he nominate a man a man a man, a man. miles austin oh boy. the man he is so expensive. miles austin is going so expensive like a 3y dolallar man wow.

miheer took him, wat a mcgude. i am sitting face numbe happy man happy desean man desean jackson. he is getting drafted highly highly highly wait please no please no please no fuck i didn't want him for 25.

t pain took the man. i didn't want desean jackson i wanna trade him. larry fitzgittiy gitty geralnd. mke took him for the money golden eagle who ever that is he be the nominatio i want the man the man. akers what the fuck. akers be nominated. taken. my nomination.

i want giants steve smith i want him. i got him for 18 dollars. i little much but he is good. god. oh boy it is time

a

Third ROund

MIheer got rodgers for 36 fuck. now ryan is nominatin a man i am smiling so much,


ryan forget to nominate he do randy moss. randy mouss. he getting high numbers 35 for ryan tired man smiling man ahaohoasohdgah. who is all drafting high numbers> damn. miheer for 38 dollars! holy balls. now it is steve.
Steve he do the nomination.

Steve he nominate mcfadden. 11 that the highest i bid please now. thank you, ryan he ready, tghank you.ryan snipes him at 12. fuck you he will be bad,

Now it is tpain i am stream of consciousness i am smling at you smiling oh what a man what a man! dallas clark bid 12 he getting high above 1y7 whoww. tpain have 18. shit ass. up to 22? holy butts. holy. goolden eagle for 22.

how is nominateing who is noinating he is nominating a man.
deangelon iws gooing. he will be bid up high fuck him. fuci the panthers steve bifd wow everyone is up everyone s up and i am just smling i can win these other bids i can do it! pfander for 44.

i will nominate jahvid best at 12. i will take him up to 28. ok 29. ok 31. fiuck i got him i didn't want him ball.

Mike drafting drarting. someont take it someone take it someone take it someone take it damn it i have pitsburhgh.

man. miheer he draft calivng johonsonsonsn. fartty. everyone drafting high. ca;lv biddies.in johnson be all up ryan took him up carl get his nomminate on who is he doing oh i am smlijg now. garrett hartley garrett hartley garrett hartley dan took that man,. dan he is the draft ahmad bradshaw i want him i love the giantssssssssssssssssss dan may be drarting too high pfander be drafting too high too high almost taken bradshaw for 24.

Zecond round

Fucking faust nominates Nate Kaeidng, What a rudeboy, He sucks mcgucks, ok! Dahn takes him for 2 dollars! wow wow wow.

Ryan get his nomination on ok! He will nominate a rando and i am secretly so happy. hahahaha. he nominate frank gore lik al gore get his global warming on fuck that guy the niners will suck suck suck fuck them. only rudeboys will take them. wow gore is going high, massive draft times. dan may for 56.

steve he will bid he will. matt stafford? he is hurt like a man. steve and them can bid on hiss ass. wow. huge gaffa ryan takes him.

T pain nonimate a man it is the vikings dfense fuck them. i will bid four but that is the most. the mots! the most. wait shit i got the vikings defense for four dollers i will take that,

shonne greene he me nominated what is hup. bidding 33 what up what up. hahahhahaoeghiaeoghasodghaosdghaosdgihaodgh

Shake that make that kunle bounce. I am smiling and you know why. Golden Eagle is beg,amn he take him for 36 now it is the turn of me.

I will nominate maurice. let's do the rookie ryan matthews i want him cheap i will have him for forty. if he goes above fukc hat. i bid 4 but now he is about 45 so cuck that. yeah, steve took him for 45,

Mike will get his nominate on. he get rob bironas. now miheer get his nominate of crsosyb, screw that. now it is carl turn hey.anoogther kicker what the ruck ryan longwell ok do it man do it man. I don't want him. i took longwell for three oh well

Last guy this round Dan may he nominate a guy, oh i love andre johnson. i do love him for 4y that is a lot. new post

Drank status; nueve loko
Bod status: happy
Mood: I am siling so much. sigh

Real first Round

Here comes the first round doggs. Stream of consciousness blogging go!!

Faust he got the first nomination he got it he got it he got it. Let's wait for faust.

FAUST TRIED TO BE A HUGE TRICKSTA. BUT HE WAS NOT. WHAT A RUDEBOY. THE WRONG ADRIAN PETERSON hahahhahahahahahahaha

Now it is Ryan's bid. He is nominating...chris johnson. it's bid time. i bid sixty one. fratty!! man t pain is just bidding all of it. all. SOLD TO TPAIN FOR SIXTY THRTEE. hahahahagagag.

Zo zo zo. Now we are voting on Ray Rice. now. FAUST IS A HUGE DICKLOAF. he got ray rice. balls.

NOw it is t pain. WOW HUGE RUDEBOYS BIDDING ON A KICKER. you guys suck the most. Steve is a giant mcgude taking gostkowski for two dollars. golden eagle is bergman bergman. he wants peyton. wow peyton is going giant up because everyone is a huge mcgude. huge. wow ryan versus bergman for the most money, i am so smiling. what the fuck he is up to fifty. Bergman takes him for 51 that is the most nuts.

I will nominate now. I will nominate Maurice JIggity jones drew. Jiggity. I will let him go to ryan for 55 that is a lot. Fratty.

Mike's name is nappy117. talk about don imus. that is ok though because he is a great guy. rad. nominate a man he nominates cedric benson who is a worrisome mcgude huge mcgude central nomination central huge. cenral. faust took hijm for 30. what a mcgude.

Mow it is the turn for a man to nomianate i think it is miheer. what a rudista. he nominates rashard mendenhall it is stream of consciosuness i bid 27 now it is over it is a bidding war between me and mike fratty, mike got him for 45.

Carl is short. He nomionate turner who had a tired year. tired man tired man. he's over value fuck that fuck. time to wait time to wait i am sweating.

turner sold to carl mcgarl.
Dan may he nominate the real adrian peterson the real. hahhaahaha steve. carl got him for 67 what a rudeboy

First Riggity Round Of The Draft

I am going to do stream of consciousness draft style. Frat Mcgat! Will Kain says he thinks Gavin is the coolest thing that ever happened. That's what Will Kain said. He is so nice! What a great guy. I am happy about that. Happy happy!

I am smiling, Heh.

Drank Status: Nearing nueve loko
Bod Status: Sitting and drafting
mood: let's draft doggs ok!

Dogg the draft is loud.

Doggs can the draft be less loud.

Drank status: Ocho loko working
Bod status: Spinning
Mood: confused doggs

Man it's time for an auction draft

We are ocho loko and it's time to have an auction draft. We are gonna be so rad. The raddest. Auction draft time!!!

Drank status: ocho loko, ready for a possible doce
Bod status; So sweaty from all the jerseys
Mood: I better have a good team. Also I am smiling.

जानना janna

yo dawgs this is quest commentator biggity bruce in da house id live to give a shout out to all mah playahs out there like jiggity jawg dustin schaffer and all that shcit. also, loko is the loco i only gots teh 4 locos but gavin yeah

ओचो लोको!!!!!

hat says ocho loko and i have achiveved it. aweswome gtimes.

drank status; ocho loko and counting
b0d statusl feeling right
mood: i am so happy. thajk you.

Siete Loco playing Wii tennis

We got our loss on in wii tennis. Damn damn damn. I have had the worst times in video games! What is even going on! Even. Even Steven. EvenSteven Nicholas Cabinet Baldassano. Breadbasket O'MuthaFlanagan. Will Kain you are the man. I have such the crush on you. Not like for serious...but slightly...

Oh WK. Yo uare the fly man. We are going to have rad times.

Tonight makes me happy for so many reasons. I am the sniveling simpering mcgude. Mcgude! You know. You know.

Doggs more Hindi: स्तेवे बल्दास्सानो इस थे अवेसोमे मन।

ओह माय गोद।

She is rad.

You are rad.

We are rad.

Rad all the day. I don't know. I'm going to update this post so the text is rich.

Drank Status: siete loko having the times
Bod status: smiling again like the biggest bidsta this side of the mississippi
Mood: hahahaha happy. Hahah.

radical.

Not having good times at Jam

Unfortunately Sarah and I keep getting defeated at Jam. And now I am losing at Smash too. Bogus times. Quick post.

Drank stATUS: approximately seis loko.
Bod Status: A happy man.
Mood: Ike!

The blog about mothas

This blog is about mothas. My mother is excellent. She is a little communist but that's ok and I love her. She is a great writer. Steve's mother is a fly person. A couple times we have spoken and she seems to not think I am an enormous mcgude. T-Pain's mother takes very good care of her house and her family. She is a kind woman. Ryan's mother seems to be fly as well. I have met her briefly and she was not a hater. Mike's mother is cool. She and I talked about Julius Erving once. That was neat.

Faust's mother totally put a sweet burn on me, earning my eternal riggity riggity respect. So good for family Faust. I still haven't finished my corn. Muthafuckas.

Drank status: Approximately cinco loko.
Bod status: Wiggilcious, according to Steve. I can't tell if that is good. Hey, Brian Bruce. He's here. cool!
Mood: I am so happy. Happy man, happy town. Happy.

Shake That Make That Kunle Bounce

We have been making songs about Kunle. It is the thing to do doggs. You should try it all day. All day. All d.

Ryan Dahn finally showed up. Ok!

No probs dogg.

This corn needs butter. Yeah! Justin has a towel around his neck. That's pretty rad. Ok!

Kunle, kunle, kunle, oh, like kunle kunle kunle oh, like kunle kunle kunle oh, thought you'd always be kunle, kunle.

Really the important thing was talking about Kunle. Kunle Kunle Kunle Kunle rockin' everywhere!!

Drank status: Nearing Cinco loko.
Bod status: I'm eating a little corn, and i'm still being a sniveling simpering mcgude
Mood: Jubilant mothas.

How about some corn, dogg

Four lokos in the books, and it's time to get our food on. I'm smiling like an idiot, and I am happy bout it. Hey Steven. Hey.

Steve, can I interview you right noew real quick?
Steve: OK.
Gavin: Steve, how did it feel to run into John Cappel earlier?
Steve: It felt like running into a triggity triggity train. He took me on the Pound Town Express. I felt like I was a slampiece.
Gavin: (manic laughter)

I'm blogging today, Elias. NBA Jam has not been kind to me today. You know what has been kind to me today. The MVP of the the Newman's Day Blog and potential MVP of the Ocho Loko blog, none other than D-Wade! She's here!

I'm asking D-Wade for a quote.
D-Wade: "Oh you can't put me on the spot like this. It's gotta come naturally."

Fine, mcgudista. You're the one only drinking four lokos. Time to get my funky corn on. CORN!!! Corn dogg.

Drank Status: Quatro Loko, and feelin' rad.
Bod Status: Smiling like an enormous mcgude, and getting rocked at NBA Jam. According to McGibbon fuck yeah, I am currently "simpering." He tells it like it is, so simpering it is.
Mood: Gettin' my corn on. Yeah! Rude!!!

Man NBA Jam is being frustrating doggs

Robert says some dude is a fuckup. So I trust him on that.

NBA Jam is being hella frustrating. The shots weren't falling, Steve was winning all the tiggity time, and everything in general is just what's going on? Damn doggs damn.

Time for funky dinner. Then maybe the juggernaut of Steve and Mike can be felled. I mean, fuckin' a doggs.

Faust has finished his first four loko I reckon? Good for him.

Drank Status: Dos loko. I'm feeling it a little. Steve just called me a motherlicka. I think that's good?
Bod Status: Shakin' it all around like I just don't know.
Mood: NBA Jam is frustrating me.

T-Pain is The Great Cornholio!!!

T-Pain can sure as hell get his cornhole on. That man gets the board, gets the hole, gets the funky everything. He scores a lot of the points because his partner (McGibbon fuck yeah) is decent (cause he's sitting right next to me). Nah. He ill. He know.

Now we're getting our Loko Jam on. I type fast, Robert. I type like hella words per minute. All the words.

Loko Jam. Traves versus Gubnah and Studs. Who will WINN? Thanks for being an editor, Robert. I forgot to put a question mark in. The lokos are acting fast, I gotta say. I'm not even at dos loko (half a can) but Figgity Faust is already well on his funky way.

So far we have just six rudistas in the queue but others will be joining later plus there is the tantalizing muvuckin prospect of dinner! What up!! Wake up dogg!!

You know what would be a scary dude? Jose's personality in John Cappel's body. Nobody would ever mess with that guy. Steve is still feeling the burn.

Check this out: इ कैन टाइप इन हिंदी

That says I can type in Hindi in Hindi. Isn't that pimp?

Yes. It is.

Oatmasta out for now. More posts after we get our Jam on.

Drank Status: Uno loko, moving towards dos
Bod Status: I'm a little sweaty, seeing as how the outfit for the day is a Brazil soccer jersey, an argyle sweater vest, and an Allan Houston Knicks jersey rounded out by snowman pajama pants. It's a Jersey Shore themed outfit, as in "Are you going to wear a jersey?" "Sure!"
Mood: Ebullient as an ass-panda. And those, friends and lovers, are extremely ebullient.

Football Delay

So T. Ewart Figgity slept in like the giant mcgude he is and we weren't able to get any loko on before the grand football match of 1 pm - 3 pm. Lesson learned: don't even try to tackle John Cappel. Seriously, if you think you can, you're wrong. Just run away.

Drank Status: Still sober as a narcoleptic nun on a Sunday morning in Utah
Bod Status: John Cappel tackled me. So did Steve. So did several other people. It's been better. Breadbasket got rocked worse though.
Mood: Anticipatory

Gettin' Up Early, Startin' Off Surly!

Nothing like sitting in your room listening to Bill Simmons podcasts and trying to write a Prince column in 45 minutes while waiting for everyone else to wake up. Actually, that's probably not really true. There are most likely other things like it.

DOGG! WAKE UP, DOGGGGG! Is what I would be saying to these rudistas. Soon we'll get things started off. Things are definitely a little too surly here.

Drank Status: Considering starting soon.
Bod Status: Cramped from sleeping in the middle seat of a plane. Not fly.
Mood: Get up, doggs. I'm ready to go here.

Loko For Four Loko

Backstreet's back. Alright? Alright. The day to revive this august endeavor has come in the noble form of Ocho Loko (copyright T. Ewart FiggityFaust) and it is going to be...rude.

The rules are as follows:
1. The first rule of Ocho Loko is you talk about it all day.
2. No poofters.
3. Everybody has to get their two dranks on of the alcoholic energy, unless you're a huge biddie like Dwyane Wade and drink one. It's your prerogative, Britney Spears, but you're still a mcgudista (you said it first).
4. No poofters.
5. T-Pain isn't allowed to fall asleep too early like a gramps mcgude.

And that's it. So come one, come all, come on your suit (it's ice cream!) and join your friendly oat correspondent for a merry day of foolish consumption, football, auction drafts, course add/dropping, funky man funky town, interviews, cryptic sniveling, bacon, Kids, and everything else.

Starting upon my return from British Columbia bright and early Wednesday morning.

Drank Status: I actually had a couple glasses of wine tonight with dinner. And cheesecake. Fratty!
Bod Status: Full of steak and cheesecake. And, of course, sarcastically sexy.
Mood: Albatross.

See you Wednesday rudeboys. It'll be a day to remember, no diggity.