Countless bags of kettle corn. A decent amount of kettle chips. At least 10-15 cups of tea. 28 shots of Ketel One in 13 hours. A day indeed.
AHhg.
I don't think this blog will ever be as good as it was on Newman's Day. The authenticity is difficult to recreate, and usually when I get to the state of drunkenness that will lead to the craziest rants, I don't really feel like tyuping them, or I'm falling asleep, or I'm so incoherent I can't make myself understood, etc. I do always enjoy trying.
I don't know. But I"m going to consider last night a success until someone tells me otherwise.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Madden I'm fcking done
I am a huge mcduge. Mcgude. I ';m done. I am blogging madden all day i changed a thing, it is better that way. It was about being a huge mcgude. All. Space. Fucking. Space. Day. Period.
Al dda. all day. Niht doggs.
Night doggs. All day.
Al dda. all day. Niht doggs.
Night doggs. All day.
All Space Fucking SPace Day Period
I am stasnding here. I have had 2y7 drinks, Yews. I wil haveing some more. Awesome. I have had a thing. I know. I now iI cuk. I know I suck. I didn the thing about sucking. THat Hpepend. Now it is over. NOw i Iwil doin thing about hot sucking. Not sucking, People think I 'don't suck ,THey rae kind. I love them. DOn't worry. Matthew Sanyour did a blog. THat is aseweome. I want to J. I want o tdrown my sorrows in everyohe. Stop. Stipo. Stop. I love the men and the women and all the thigns.
I am happy. Stop. I am happy. I promise.
Yes.
Mood: All Space Fukcign Space Day.
Song: SOmeDay You Will Be Loved- Death Cab For Cutie
Stop it . ALl Day. I love the woerld.
Let's J.
I am happy. Stop. I am happy. I promise.
Yes.
Mood: All Space Fukcign Space Day.
Song: SOmeDay You Will Be Loved- Death Cab For Cutie
Stop it . ALl Day. I love the woerld.
Let's J.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Dispatches From the Front
Our heroic protagonist has surpassed his stated goal of twenty, amounting twenty-three victories in the ongoing campaign. Morale remains high, and losses have been surprisingly low, with a relatively high level of lucidity and self-awareness maintained under the circumstances. We may speculate this proficiency is due in part to the long time-frame involved, as well as the subject's elevated tolerance and rapid metabolizing of the various and sundry kettled goods, be they corn, chips, tea, or distilled spirits.
Gavin has remained the soul of generosity and kindness, even apologizing for his victories in the contests of skill into which he has entered, despite his impaired state, and has nevertheless subsequently prevailed. While the bulk of our forces have been engaged in feats of electronic athletic excellence in jam and the like, while the illustrious Mr. Pfander has been absorbed in his own private avian war on his telephone, with Aly cheering him on every step of the way. Our efforts to reunify this splinter cell with the main body of our army have been met with failure thus far, but we remain hopeful for future reunification.
Although this has been said already by our primary author, it bears repeating. Therefore in conclusion, dear reader, despite the large turnout that has joined us to support and celebrate this special occasion, one cannot help but think of those who could not be with us this day - indeed, all day, in the words of Gavin. Robert and Catie, so close yet so far, Will and Jaxi, wheresoever they are, Steve, who was here but briefly, Ryan, on his adventures in the Windy City, and all our other friends who surely would have enjoyed this time with us, we are thinking of you.
In a special nod to our correspondent in Chicago, take these words to heart during your time there:
"You wanna know how you do it? Here's how; they pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way, and that's how you get Capone! Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that?"
-Malone (Sean Connery) from 'The Untouchables'
Yours,
-Bombadil
Gavin has remained the soul of generosity and kindness, even apologizing for his victories in the contests of skill into which he has entered, despite his impaired state, and has nevertheless subsequently prevailed. While the bulk of our forces have been engaged in feats of electronic athletic excellence in jam and the like, while the illustrious Mr. Pfander has been absorbed in his own private avian war on his telephone, with Aly cheering him on every step of the way. Our efforts to reunify this splinter cell with the main body of our army have been met with failure thus far, but we remain hopeful for future reunification.
Although this has been said already by our primary author, it bears repeating. Therefore in conclusion, dear reader, despite the large turnout that has joined us to support and celebrate this special occasion, one cannot help but think of those who could not be with us this day - indeed, all day, in the words of Gavin. Robert and Catie, so close yet so far, Will and Jaxi, wheresoever they are, Steve, who was here but briefly, Ryan, on his adventures in the Windy City, and all our other friends who surely would have enjoyed this time with us, we are thinking of you.
In a special nod to our correspondent in Chicago, take these words to heart during your time there:
"You wanna know how you do it? Here's how; they pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way, and that's how you get Capone! Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that?"
-Malone (Sean Connery) from 'The Untouchables'
Yours,
-Bombadil
Twenty Two Yes I Know
I went to places I should not go. I talked to people I should nt talk. I drank thngs I should not drink. But i tis rad and excellent and all day.
22. And MOre to come.
Most definitely. I love J and I will play more J, Do a thing. Everyone is saying a thing about Ryan I wish he was here it would b erad if he was here.
ahsdghsaodighsodaighosdaighasdlisdahogsdaihgsadihgpsadhgiasdgphoaisdhgoasihdgoasdhgoaisdgh
Yes.
Yes.
Most definiltely.
Mood: I am doing a thing. I will live all night.
Song: How I Could Just Kill A Man- Charlotte Sometimes
All. Day.
McGude? Yes.
All. Fucking. Day.
Funk: She's playing J. Rad.
22. And MOre to come.
Most definitely. I love J and I will play more J, Do a thing. Everyone is saying a thing about Ryan I wish he was here it would b erad if he was here.
ahsdghsaodighsodaighosdaighasdlisdahogsdaihgsadihgpsadhgiasdgphoaisdhgoasihdgoasdhgoaisdgh
Yes.
Yes.
Most definiltely.
Mood: I am doing a thing. I will live all night.
Song: How I Could Just Kill A Man- Charlotte Sometimes
All. Day.
McGude? Yes.
All. Fucking. Day.
Funk: She's playing J. Rad.
It is diffulc t to win at j when all the odds are stacked
It is difficult to win at J when all the odds are stacked against you. I wa splyaing a game it was me and Rodrigo against Chantel and Jose and I was not allowed to score or steal the ball from Chantel. We lost by two. Freatty. That is ok beacuse now I will blog about a thing but I love playing J I will play later I will. Hahatat ah. I have had a number of shots I think I iwll have some more. My head is odiong at a thing.
I love romans. I love.... ahhsadghag.
All. Space. Fucking. Space. Day. Period.
I would like to play J but I will play later. Sup doggs. Huge schulsta. Huge schlusta. I can't really leave here. It is 11. It is a man. I llike it. I like it a lot.
I am happy, Travis. Travis asked me how I am. I am well. I am not insane. But I have had a number of drinks. It is approximatelyu 21`. I liekt ath. I wil j later. I will drunk now. All . Fay.. Day. I will make some more kettle corn. I have thought about things. I did the thigns They were not necessarily the right thinsg buts oviously. Aly, Kettle Day lasts until I PTFO (pass the rfuck out) which will be later on. Ohiopefuly not until 2 nor 3 because I am just that awesome.
Aweaome. Cool. J. More kettle corn. I have it. I drink it. I do it.
Mood: Yes, I do it.
Song: i Saw Her Standing There- THe Beatles
Doing A thing
Kettle Status; I only have a few bags of kettle corn lft. I have had some kettle chips. I'm at 21 shots,. Aewweomse. Awesome. Do A thing.
Yes.
I love romans. I love.... ahhsadghag.
All. Space. Fucking. Space. Day. Period.
I would like to play J but I will play later. Sup doggs. Huge schulsta. Huge schlusta. I can't really leave here. It is 11. It is a man. I llike it. I like it a lot.
I am happy, Travis. Travis asked me how I am. I am well. I am not insane. But I have had a number of drinks. It is approximatelyu 21`. I liekt ath. I wil j later. I will drunk now. All . Fay.. Day. I will make some more kettle corn. I have thought about things. I did the thigns They were not necessarily the right thinsg buts oviously. Aly, Kettle Day lasts until I PTFO (pass the rfuck out) which will be later on. Ohiopefuly not until 2 nor 3 because I am just that awesome.
Aweaome. Cool. J. More kettle corn. I have it. I drink it. I do it.
Mood: Yes, I do it.
Song: i Saw Her Standing There- THe Beatles
Doing A thing
Kettle Status; I only have a few bags of kettle corn lft. I have had some kettle chips. I'm at 21 shots,. Aewweomse. Awesome. Do A thing.
Yes.
Laura Bock And I have still never lost
What a dominant team. Twenty shots now, All fucking day. I will go get more kettle corn. I think my blig has een boring because I havenn't don'e much nteresting. Perhaps tonight I will go all kinds of stream of consciounsessa nd be interesin. There is still time. Still time. Still time to be a man!!!!
Mood: Optimistic al day.
SOng: Make You FEel My Love- Adele cover of Bob Dylan
Kettle Status: aBOUT TO finish number 20 of ketel one. Then also so much kettle corn. OH YEHAHAHHHAHAH
hasdghasdihghsadg
Mood: Optimistic al day.
SOng: Make You FEel My Love- Adele cover of Bob Dylan
Kettle Status: aBOUT TO finish number 20 of ketel one. Then also so much kettle corn. OH YEHAHAHHHAHAH
hasdghasdihghsadg
Laura Bock Scored 86 Points
I played a game of j with some people and laura bock was on my team and she scored 86 points and i scored 0 and we won 86 gto 22. hahhahaslghisag. Now I don not konw what to do but it is only 830 and i have had 16 shots and i am eating all the kettle corn, yes yes yes ye syeyse. Hi doggs.
The doggs think I am being a huge mcgude but I don't give a fuck.
Let'ws play all the games and go find all the men. Men havt. Hat. Hat. Hat. I wish I was being slightly a different ghing than I am being but can I really help it? POssible? All I know is that I am happy. All.F ucking. Day. All Dya.
Mood: Yes, I know.
Song: Little Lion Man- Mumford and Sons
Kettle Status: Over six bags of kettle corn. A lot of kettle chips. Alot of tea. Sixteen shots of vodka so far. I am a man who is doing a thing and I love it.
Yes.
The doggs think I am being a huge mcgude but I don't give a fuck.
Let'ws play all the games and go find all the men. Men havt. Hat. Hat. Hat. I wish I was being slightly a different ghing than I am being but can I really help it? POssible? All I know is that I am happy. All.F ucking. Day. All Dya.
Mood: Yes, I know.
Song: Little Lion Man- Mumford and Sons
Kettle Status: Over six bags of kettle corn. A lot of kettle chips. Alot of tea. Sixteen shots of vodka so far. I am a man who is doing a thing and I love it.
Yes.
guest post
guest post
ghost post
ghost ride
ghost ride the whip
whip hair back and forth
go forth and conquer
cleveland
leave land
why do you want me to leave my land?
ghost post
ghost ride
ghost ride the whip
whip hair back and forth
go forth and conquer
cleveland
leave land
why do you want me to leave my land?
Men Think That I am Not Paying Attention
Well fucik those men. I pay attention to the place but sometimes Settlers is slow in a place where I would rather have Kettle Day. Ketle Day. I want to J tonight so hard core. I will J tonight.
SLowing the shit.
Wait the music stopped. we started it again. It is playing the Scientist. I love that song. It is beautiful and sad and makes me smile sadly about everyone and everything.
I am talking to the men. Dan May is here. I like Dan May. Birth of what? Birth of a nation. That's about the kU klux klan. I hate those guys. Please everyone, drink my Ketel One! I bought out for the world and I want you to have it.
Mood: Generous as an idiot man.
Song: The Scientist- COldplay
McGude? Yes. As Usual.
Doing a thing? Mostly.
Four Settlememnts? Yes.
Steve? Mostly.
Stream of consciousness. Talk man.
Hat.
SLowing the shit.
Wait the music stopped. we started it again. It is playing the Scientist. I love that song. It is beautiful and sad and makes me smile sadly about everyone and everything.
I am talking to the men. Dan May is here. I like Dan May. Birth of what? Birth of a nation. That's about the kU klux klan. I hate those guys. Please everyone, drink my Ketel One! I bought out for the world and I want you to have it.
Mood: Generous as an idiot man.
Song: The Scientist- COldplay
McGude? Yes. As Usual.
Doing a thing? Mostly.
Four Settlememnts? Yes.
Steve? Mostly.
Stream of consciousness. Talk man.
Hat.
Teach Me How To Kunle
I have a few settlements but eh. We are playing the game and I am losing or winning or something. There are nine people in the room. They are..yes little lion man! Little Lion Man! I love that song. I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear? Didn't I my dear.
Jose has longest army! Oh my! I want to J I rewally do. J J J J J J J .
Thirteen drinks. That will be good.
Love,
Oat
Jose has longest army! Oh my! I want to J I rewally do. J J J J J J J .
Thirteen drinks. That will be good.
Love,
Oat
Ok Twist My Arm I'll Talk About Settling
Gosh T Ewart took the only place that got any ore he took a 8 ore a 4 sheep a 10 wood. Shit there is no ore left to mo. Mo. Mo. Jose he play in a place I will describe it. It has 8 whaeat and 10 wheat and 5 brick. HOW ABOUT THAT MOTHAMAN. I am playing last so T Pain is playing next. What will he place. Probably he will not place on something terrible man. Terrible, god I'm probably gonna be sheep man. SHEEP MAN.
I want to play NBA Jam. So hard. So much. I can win at that when I am the assist man. I want to play it with Qiuzhu Funk D-Wade and All Day K Weeks and Sarah Lucas Durant and also all the men (T ewart t pain u-the-fuck-lises matthew o sanyour &c.) maybe even Man-Robert.
T Pain played on 9 wheat 5 wheat 6 wood and now it be my turn twice. I decideing. Steve is here! aww yeah. I played on 3 wood 8 wheat 4 brick and also 3 brick 6 sheep 9 sheep. I AM SHEEP MAN SHEEP MAN SHEEP MAN.
Akon! And Lonely Island!
T Pain is taking a while to play because there is no ore. Why?! THere is no ore. No ore. Or brick. It is diffulc t to have them. He played on 9 sheep 10 wheat 2 sheep. That is what. Jose mena. He.!!!! I love that man. He played 6 wood 3 wood 11 ore. That is the place. T Ewart Figgity will play last pobably in a place. It was 5 wheat 11 wood 4 sheep. Now We have placed and we will play. POsts will happen when they need to happen.
Mood: I think I'm going to have an awesome night.
Song: I Just Had Sex- The Lonely Island
Kettle Status: Getting back on them kettle chips. I've had like five bags of kettle corn. So much tea. This is my eleventh drink of vodka. AWWWWW YEAH.
I want to play NBA Jam. So hard. So much. I can win at that when I am the assist man. I want to play it with Qiuzhu Funk D-Wade and All Day K Weeks and Sarah Lucas Durant and also all the men (T ewart t pain u-the-fuck-lises matthew o sanyour &c.) maybe even Man-Robert.
T Pain played on 9 wheat 5 wheat 6 wood and now it be my turn twice. I decideing. Steve is here! aww yeah. I played on 3 wood 8 wheat 4 brick and also 3 brick 6 sheep 9 sheep. I AM SHEEP MAN SHEEP MAN SHEEP MAN.
Akon! And Lonely Island!
T Pain is taking a while to play because there is no ore. Why?! THere is no ore. No ore. Or brick. It is diffulc t to have them. He played on 9 sheep 10 wheat 2 sheep. That is what. Jose mena. He.!!!! I love that man. He played 6 wood 3 wood 11 ore. That is the place. T Ewart Figgity will play last pobably in a place. It was 5 wheat 11 wood 4 sheep. Now We have placed and we will play. POsts will happen when they need to happen.
Mood: I think I'm going to have an awesome night.
Song: I Just Had Sex- The Lonely Island
Kettle Status: Getting back on them kettle chips. I've had like five bags of kettle corn. So much tea. This is my eleventh drink of vodka. AWWWWW YEAH.
hey sarah guess what the score was
7 to 3. That's what it was. Now it's time to Get MY SETTLE ON!!!
After I finish this tea that's ten drinks of vodka after this shot!. Oh most definitely.
Time to visit dinner with my kettle briefly and say hello to the variou speople! Then I will have ore and wheat and sheep and wood and brick and OH YEAH...
God I'm a fucking goon man. Goon. Man! Hahahahahahah hagag.
Will she come back? No one knows! I realize, it was only just a dream!
Time to get our settle on. I be looking at the board. I see: sparse brick, I see a lot of sheep in one area, I see only one place that got ORE AT ALL. OH SHIIIIT. This is going to be boring if you odn't like of Settlers of Catan. Bu thwo doesn't love Settlers of Catan!? Oh yeah.
What. What. More kettle chips. I haven't eaten those in a while.
Mood: Is this really waht I do?
Song: Time To Pretend-MGMT
Funk: Still not here! Come on now.
McGude? Hell Fucking Yes.
All Day? All Day.
Thinking about us? Who we gon' be?
Kettle Status: Several bags have been consumed. I've probably had four by myself. I guess we'll see. I've definitely had ten shots and am about to have an eleventh. And i've had like seven cups of tea. TEA MAN>!!!!
Now they're gone, and you're wishing you could give them everythign! Or you didn't have them never. All. Day.
After I finish this tea that's ten drinks of vodka after this shot!. Oh most definitely.
Time to visit dinner with my kettle briefly and say hello to the variou speople! Then I will have ore and wheat and sheep and wood and brick and OH YEAH...
God I'm a fucking goon man. Goon. Man! Hahahahahahah hagag.
Will she come back? No one knows! I realize, it was only just a dream!
Time to get our settle on. I be looking at the board. I see: sparse brick, I see a lot of sheep in one area, I see only one place that got ORE AT ALL. OH SHIIIIT. This is going to be boring if you odn't like of Settlers of Catan. Bu thwo doesn't love Settlers of Catan!? Oh yeah.
What. What. More kettle chips. I haven't eaten those in a while.
Mood: Is this really waht I do?
Song: Time To Pretend-MGMT
Funk: Still not here! Come on now.
McGude? Hell Fucking Yes.
All Day? All Day.
Thinking about us? Who we gon' be?
Kettle Status: Several bags have been consumed. I've probably had four by myself. I guess we'll see. I've definitely had ten shots and am about to have an eleventh. And i've had like seven cups of tea. TEA MAN>!!!!
Now they're gone, and you're wishing you could give them everythign! Or you didn't have them never. All. Day.
Hey, Soul Schlusta
Hey, soul schlusta, let's go to the U-sta. Ustore. All I do is win, win win n matter what, got money on my mind it's so annoying that my o key is barely working. We brawlers have been joined by D-FLetch and pmr knutson, both presidents of the princeton mothalickin charter club. CJ! Hey CJ! How are you> She sayus she is awesome now. What a sweet lass.
K WEeks is here she is doing a thing. That's good. I want to J with her.
J. J. J.
J. J. Redick. What's for dinner tnight? Well, nothing for me, just more and more and more jketltel corn. I'm getting bored right nw with only seven drinks. Time for an eighth. Shot! Shoot ! Shot time.
Oh. Oh now. This is so wonderful. The wonderful Michelle Luo, as she seems to want to be described, has provided me with a kettle. A kettle! Oh yeah. Oh. Yeah. And since I told Sarah earlier that anything provided to me related to a kettle or in a kettle I would have to eat or otherwise do some action related to...this could mean something bizarre. I really don't know. But I'm glad I have a kettle. I'm going to carry it around all the time now. All the time. My kettle.
JOse: "Fuckin' radishes."
Now I'm really going to do the shot. Ah Ketel One. It is delicious and smooth, and it fucking better be because it coset me so much god damn money. LIke all the money. All the moneys. Man.
Sarah says I only have had seven and a half because she had half of my tea-vodka before. you know what? If you nitpick, then I'll take you up on that. Half a shot coming right up. I need to go get another cup of tea. Be right the fuck back doggs.
Mood: A little bit tipsy, a little bit flipsy dropsy woopsy.
Song: Immigrant Song- Led Zeppelin
Quote: "Fuckin' Ice Climbers"- Jose Ulises Mena
McGude? Yes.
All. Day.
Kettle Status: Some. Eight shots. Do a thing you fucks.
\Yes.
K WEeks is here she is doing a thing. That's good. I want to J with her.
J. J. J.
J. J. Redick. What's for dinner tnight? Well, nothing for me, just more and more and more jketltel corn. I'm getting bored right nw with only seven drinks. Time for an eighth. Shot! Shoot ! Shot time.
Oh. Oh now. This is so wonderful. The wonderful Michelle Luo, as she seems to want to be described, has provided me with a kettle. A kettle! Oh yeah. Oh. Yeah. And since I told Sarah earlier that anything provided to me related to a kettle or in a kettle I would have to eat or otherwise do some action related to...this could mean something bizarre. I really don't know. But I'm glad I have a kettle. I'm going to carry it around all the time now. All the time. My kettle.
JOse: "Fuckin' radishes."
Now I'm really going to do the shot. Ah Ketel One. It is delicious and smooth, and it fucking better be because it coset me so much god damn money. LIke all the money. All the moneys. Man.
Sarah says I only have had seven and a half because she had half of my tea-vodka before. you know what? If you nitpick, then I'll take you up on that. Half a shot coming right up. I need to go get another cup of tea. Be right the fuck back doggs.
Mood: A little bit tipsy, a little bit flipsy dropsy woopsy.
Song: Immigrant Song- Led Zeppelin
Quote: "Fuckin' Ice Climbers"- Jose Ulises Mena
McGude? Yes.
All. Day.
Kettle Status: Some. Eight shots. Do a thing you fucks.
\Yes.
The Fight Is On!
So for the last hour I have been distracting certain junior chemical engineers from the presentations they ostensibly have to be doing to instead play Super Smash Brothers and eat kettle corn. I am winning 4 to 3. So ha.
Yeah, I'm a goon man. Huge goon man. Deal with it.
Six shots of Ketel One in and I'm starting to feel a little bit of a head situation. I think this is good though, in that I enjoy it and perhpas it will make me more interesting of a typist. I've also decided not to correct tryupos anymore so that the blog will eventually become more authentic. Aw ketlte corn. Kettle corn. It is so delicious and I love it so well.
Pit. Pit. Pit. Mena's here! How I love that man from Costa Rica. I played all the games with him yesterday and I will play all the games with him today also. K WEeks All Day is here too. All. Day. She needs to stop doing hella work and play J with us. I mean, seriously. back to brawl.
Mood: Sigh.
Song: In My Head- Jason Derulo
Kettle Status: Enough. It's hard to calculate because I am sharing all the kettle corn. Sarah alone has probably eaten almost a bag by now. Definitely six shots of vodka. Hoping to get to twenty by the end of the night? Ambitious? Yes. POssible? We shall see.
Peace up. A Town.
Yeah, I'm a goon man. Huge goon man. Deal with it.
Six shots of Ketel One in and I'm starting to feel a little bit of a head situation. I think this is good though, in that I enjoy it and perhpas it will make me more interesting of a typist. I've also decided not to correct tryupos anymore so that the blog will eventually become more authentic. Aw ketlte corn. Kettle corn. It is so delicious and I love it so well.
Pit. Pit. Pit. Mena's here! How I love that man from Costa Rica. I played all the games with him yesterday and I will play all the games with him today also. K WEeks All Day is here too. All. Day. She needs to stop doing hella work and play J with us. I mean, seriously. back to brawl.
Mood: Sigh.
Song: In My Head- Jason Derulo
Kettle Status: Enough. It's hard to calculate because I am sharing all the kettle corn. Sarah alone has probably eaten almost a bag by now. Definitely six shots of vodka. Hoping to get to twenty by the end of the night? Ambitious? Yes. POssible? We shall see.
Peace up. A Town.
REINFORCEMENTS MOTHAMAN
Me and T-Pain got our Wegmans on and I bought 20 bags of kettle corn. Should be sufficient, don't you think? Yes, I believe so. We listened to Fuck You and Secrets and In My Head and all the songs that make me want to jump up and down and be the man who jumps. Then I went to Woolworth (pronounced "hwool-hworth") and visited the fly female musicians who were totally in Phoenix's play with me: Phoenix and Rachel and Sandy and Charmaine and Sekai and Carolyn and I gave them kettle corn and kettle chips. I am glad that I met them because they are rad and I would not have except for the bizarre decision to be in a play.
Everyone (by that I mean T. Ewart and T. Pain) are getting their settle on without me. This means that I am sitting here drinking more tea (tea and vodka...is it good? I really don't know yet) and about to make more kettle corn and I am worried about my stomach. Let's see how the following conversation transpires:
Me: Hey Sarah, do you want to brawl?
Sarah: (closes computer, stands up)
I think that about says it.
Mood: The fight is on!
Song: Just A Dream- Nelly
Kettle Status: hard to keep track, but enough. Four shots so far.
All. Day.
Everyone (by that I mean T. Ewart and T. Pain) are getting their settle on without me. This means that I am sitting here drinking more tea (tea and vodka...is it good? I really don't know yet) and about to make more kettle corn and I am worried about my stomach. Let's see how the following conversation transpires:
Me: Hey Sarah, do you want to brawl?
Sarah: (closes computer, stands up)
I think that about says it.
Mood: The fight is on!
Song: Just A Dream- Nelly
Kettle Status: hard to keep track, but enough. Four shots so far.
All. Day.
Man It Can Be Bad To Watch Everyone Eat Gyros
Steve is eating a gyro. Gotta say, looks pretty good. And I am not allowed to eat one. Not even if cooked in a kettle. Too much of a loophole. My o key is not working well. This bodes poorly for the man-future.
Everyone be judging me for drinking drinks consisting of one shot of vodka and one cup of hot lemon tea. But you know what? It tastes good. Good like a man. Oh yeah.
Steve gets his study on so hard. So hard.
Soon we will be store men. Going to the store to buy more kettle corn. I want to have like thirty bags of it. Maybe twenty bags. Today is a real day.
What is the optimal level of sustained drunkenness for this day? Obviously "scurred ass bitch ass" level would be amazing as a hat, but that usually only lasts for about half an hour before it degenerates into a) booting, b) pathetic sniveling, or c) I DON'T GIVE A FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK. So gotta be careful. Careful or you'll hurt yourself.
Kettle Status: Almost two bags of chips and corn, three cups of tea, three shots of Ketel One.
Mood: Insipid.
Song: Careful-Guster
Funk: Nope. I should probably get rid of this one. She's going to be busy until dinner.
Hoogity.
Everyone be judging me for drinking drinks consisting of one shot of vodka and one cup of hot lemon tea. But you know what? It tastes good. Good like a man. Oh yeah.
Steve gets his study on so hard. So hard.
Soon we will be store men. Going to the store to buy more kettle corn. I want to have like thirty bags of it. Maybe twenty bags. Today is a real day.
What is the optimal level of sustained drunkenness for this day? Obviously "scurred ass bitch ass" level would be amazing as a hat, but that usually only lasts for about half an hour before it degenerates into a) booting, b) pathetic sniveling, or c) I DON'T GIVE A FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK. So gotta be careful. Careful or you'll hurt yourself.
Kettle Status: Almost two bags of chips and corn, three cups of tea, three shots of Ketel One.
Mood: Insipid.
Song: Careful-Guster
Funk: Nope. I should probably get rid of this one. She's going to be busy until dinner.
Hoogity.
Lunch Men
I am getting my lunch on at a table of people who are named Sarah Wellons, Big JC, yezril, T-Pain, Skim, Valeri, Michael, and Amanda. Dark Russet Kettle chips are terrible. I will not eat any more of those. Seems like T-Pain is allergic to Ketel One! That's terrible! Aw I just saw Mary Catherine Reason! Fratty. She is pretty much the fly lass at doing stuff.
Travis just said I look absolutely ridiculous in this sweater. It is an argyle sweater with a fratty tank on top. It used to belong to T-Pain but now it is too small for him. So I own it! One man's trash is another man's kettle. Or sweater.
Being a shorts man. Like Michael Gibbs. I'm hoping not to get too cold. It might be cold later. Cold man.
Kettle Status: One bag of chips, one bag of corn, two shots of vodka, one and a half cups of tea.
Mood: Really trying to slow down so I don't burn out by dinner.
Song: Fuck You- Ceelo Green
I see you driving round town eating kettle corn, and I'm like "Give me some kettle corn, you manfuck." All day.
Travis just said I look absolutely ridiculous in this sweater. It is an argyle sweater with a fratty tank on top. It used to belong to T-Pain but now it is too small for him. So I own it! One man's trash is another man's kettle. Or sweater.
Being a shorts man. Like Michael Gibbs. I'm hoping not to get too cold. It might be cold later. Cold man.
Kettle Status: One bag of chips, one bag of corn, two shots of vodka, one and a half cups of tea.
Mood: Really trying to slow down so I don't burn out by dinner.
Song: Fuck You- Ceelo Green
I see you driving round town eating kettle corn, and I'm like "Give me some kettle corn, you manfuck." All day.
How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Chase Shots of Vodka with Hot Tea
Damn, that was pretty hot. Now I've taken one shot, and chased it with lemon tea. Lemon lemon tea. Pretty good tea. J time! So much J will happen today. Things are a little slow so far. They'll pick up at lunch.
Man Doing A Kettle
The first kettle chip has been eaten. The first snag of the day has occurred. CVS doesn't sell microwaveable kettle corn. What. The. Fuck. I bought some of that "Popcorn Indiana" which I don't believe is a real town gourmet stuff to hold me over, but I need someone to take me to the store. Anyone?
Also, Ketel One is so damn expensive. I'm about a hundred bucks in the hole already. It's ok though because it's kettle day!
Trying out different kinds of teas. So far, lemon? Hm.
Mood: Optimistic As A Man
Song: Shippin' Up To Boston- Dropkick Murphys
Funk: She's not here.
Kettle Status: N/A so far
Also, Ketel One is so damn expensive. I'm about a hundred bucks in the hole already. It's ok though because it's kettle day!
Trying out different kinds of teas. So far, lemon? Hm.
Mood: Optimistic As A Man
Song: Shippin' Up To Boston- Dropkick Murphys
Funk: She's not here.
Kettle Status: N/A so far
Gettin' Up Kettle, Testin' My Mettle!
Yeah, yeah. That's probably the lamest title for a blog post by me (or many people) in a very very long time. And you're talking about a guy who had a livejournal. No, I'm not giving the link. Although people know it...shiiiiiiiiiiit. But I really wanted to start things off with "Gettin' Up Kettle" in the vein of "Gettin' Up Late, Startin' Off Great" and "Gettin' Up Early, Startin' Off Surly," and in order to get the rhyme properly I pretty much had three options: the one above, Startin' Off Settle, which would erroneously (first time I wrote innocuously...am I drunk already? This is a bad sign. Erroneous, dogg. E-fucking-rroneous) imply that I was going to immediately play Settlers of Catan (come to think of it, that's not a bad idea), or a reference to the Yankee's third basemen of the 1970s, a man named Graig Nettles. Pronounced "Greg."
That obviously wouldn't do. Plus, this day really is about testing one's strength. I'm a little tired, frankly, and my stomach is still recovering from a buffalo chicken flatbread and an entire pint of Haagen Daas from last night at about 3:30 in the morning. Will I ever learn?
Well, no. No, I won't. But I'll persevere, and eat all the things. Oh boy oh boy.
Time to shower and head to CVS. Kettle Day commences...now!
Mood: Get this stomachache out of here.
Song: Little Lion Man- Mumford and Sons.
Funk: Yes.
That obviously wouldn't do. Plus, this day really is about testing one's strength. I'm a little tired, frankly, and my stomach is still recovering from a buffalo chicken flatbread and an entire pint of Haagen Daas from last night at about 3:30 in the morning. Will I ever learn?
Well, no. No, I won't. But I'll persevere, and eat all the things. Oh boy oh boy.
Time to shower and head to CVS. Kettle Day commences...now!
Mood: Get this stomachache out of here.
Song: Little Lion Man- Mumford and Sons.
Funk: Yes.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Kettle Day Tomorrow!
I have finished my last final exam of the Fall 2010 semester. I am 87.5% done with college. And that means: Kettle Day. Kettle Day. Kettle Motherfucking Day.
A quick refresher of the rules of Kettle Day.
I, Gavin Thomas Byrnes, declare that on the day of Monday, January 17, 2011, I will consume nothing that does not fall under one of the following five categories:
1. Kettle Corn
2. Kettle Chips
3. Kettle of Tea (if I can't actually get a kettle, just tea will suffice. cause come on, who has a kettle.)
4. Ketel One Vodka
5. Water (I don't want to get sick and ruin kettle day only a few hours in).
I will also provide ample amounts of the aforementioned food and drink to any others who wish to partake in the day's events, although I will not require any of them to abstain from other foods.
If presented with another food or idiom that contains kettles, I will act upon it (such as "a fine kettle of fish.")
I will spend the day abiding by the laws of "pot calling the kettle black" by criticizing others for my own faults and being extremely hypocritical. This could get awkward. Awesome!
I will spend most of the day in Charter, updating this blog as often as I see fit and as often as it will be spontaneous and funny. If it is not spontaneous and funny, I authorize anyone to punch me in the head or encourage further vodka consumption.
Kettle Day All Day. All Day Kettle Day. All. Fucking. Day.
See you tomorrow.
Kettle.
Mood: Jubilant
Kettle Corn Status: 0 bags
Kettle Chips Status: 0 bags
Tea Status: 0 cups
Ketel One Status: 0 drinks
A quick refresher of the rules of Kettle Day.
I, Gavin Thomas Byrnes, declare that on the day of Monday, January 17, 2011, I will consume nothing that does not fall under one of the following five categories:
1. Kettle Corn
2. Kettle Chips
3. Kettle of Tea (if I can't actually get a kettle, just tea will suffice. cause come on, who has a kettle.)
4. Ketel One Vodka
5. Water (I don't want to get sick and ruin kettle day only a few hours in).
I will also provide ample amounts of the aforementioned food and drink to any others who wish to partake in the day's events, although I will not require any of them to abstain from other foods.
If presented with another food or idiom that contains kettles, I will act upon it (such as "a fine kettle of fish.")
I will spend the day abiding by the laws of "pot calling the kettle black" by criticizing others for my own faults and being extremely hypocritical. This could get awkward. Awesome!
I will spend most of the day in Charter, updating this blog as often as I see fit and as often as it will be spontaneous and funny. If it is not spontaneous and funny, I authorize anyone to punch me in the head or encourage further vodka consumption.
Kettle Day All Day. All Day Kettle Day. All. Fucking. Day.
See you tomorrow.
Kettle.
Mood: Jubilant
Kettle Corn Status: 0 bags
Kettle Chips Status: 0 bags
Tea Status: 0 cups
Ketel One Status: 0 drinks
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